Decode
by Your-hollywood-tragedyx3
Summary: I'm screaming "I love you so." But my thoughts you can't decode . Brenda/Kelly one-shot. Takes place after the episode, 'Perfectly Perfect,' during their little scene in the hospital. Reviews are appreciated. Give it a chance, please.


**Note: Brenda/Kelly one shot. Stint in the hospital after Brenda finds Kelly collapsed on the floor of the bathroom in the peach pit. Just give it a chance and review, that's all I ask.**

**One.**

"What I cannot love, I overlook. Is that real friendship?"- Anais Nin.

"You scared me." Her words were soft, but they made Kelly think.

"Don't worry," She stated sadly. "I'm fine."

The raven haired teen knew her friend had only been trying to put on an act, to show she _was_ okay when really she wasn't. Honestly, if someone was okay, then they wouldn't be in a hospital on their birthday because of an overdose on diet pills.

"In fact," She continues, after a few seconds of silence. Her voice is raw, raspy, and barely audible- but Brenda luckily heard all of what Kelly had said so she wouldn't have to repeat herself. "It looks like I'm gonna live, so you can have Dylan back."

The slight joke made the raven haired teen wince. It wasn't because of the fact Kelly was dating Dylan anymore, or- hell, maybe it was. But it wasn't because Brenda loved Dylan. Oh no. She was long past that faze of her life. In fact, when it came down to it- she realized that she'd never been in love with Dylan, but of that her best friend. The same best friend who she'd driven away due to ignorance, fear, and petty ways. The same best friend who had no idea how she felt, and was currently looking like she was on the verge of dying.

Throughout all of this, Brenda had managed to find her voice, and it surprised even _her_ at how strong it was. "Kelly, we all have to stop making ourselves nuts about the past." She stops for a split second to look at the blond's face. She looks sad, and guilty. Brenda sighs, and pulls up a chair from the table. "But Kelly please, if you were trying to punish yourself..." Her voice trails off, giving Kelly a chance to speak up.

"Brenda, I really think your overreacting. I just took too many diet pills."

Her words are so nonchalant it scares them both. She says it so calmly, as if it wasn't a big deal. But to Brenda it was. It was _everything_. What had happened if she hadn't found Kelly? If something worse then just her passing out had occured? What if she died? Those thoughts plagued her ever since her arrival, and she couldn't get them out either.

She turned her attention back to the blond the moment she started talking again. "Why is it everybody's acting like I tried to comitt suicide?" She snapped dryly, her voice tired and full of hurt.

"I'm not saying that, all I'm saying is that no matter what's happened..." She pauses again, taking in a deep breath. It was now or never. "I love you." The words rolled off her tongue, like it'd been nothing. Like it was nothing more then something two friends said to each other. But to Brenda it was so much more then that. Something Kelly would probably never know.

"Even though you don't always know it, and even though I don't always show it. So don't ever let it happen again okay?" The blond smiles, for the first time that night. Despite the fact she looks like she couldn't give a rats ass about anything, Kelly still looked beautiful.

"Okay." She choked out, her eyes drooping tiredly.

Brenda smiles as well, and bends down to hug her before falling back into the chair. Placing her hands into her lap, she contemplates on whether to tell her now or not at all. She decides, that even with the circumstances, she'd tell her-and if the blond didn't feel the same way back, well then...she'll just have to deal with that. After all, that's what she's done since she met her, right?

"Kelly." She begins, her voice wavering with fear and nerves. "There's something else I need to tell you. Something that I've been keeping for you for awhile." She swallows the lump in her throat, catching a glimps of the petite teen's face, flash with fear and then jumps in again to reassure her. "It's nothing bad, or...at least I hope you don't take it that way. It's just...the truth..about this whole...Dylan thing, and about...us."

Kelly, who's weak from the night's events nods slowly, waiting for her friend to continue.

Opening her mouth to speak, Brenda manages the words she's been dying to say for half her life. "When Dylan and I were together...I didn't...love him." She watches as Kelly's face etches into confusion, but she continues on either way. "I didn't love him when we _weren't_ dating, and he knew that. We talked, and it was just a ploy. It was to...get you jealous."

It sounded so wrong when she said it. So disgusting and deciteful.

"What do you mean?" The blond asked, clearing her throat.

"I mean, the only reason--I was mad at you for so long, wasn't because you 'hooked up,' with him or whatever. It wasn't because you were dating him, it was because I knew I could never have you for myself. I loved, _love_ you and I just..." She stops, putting a hand to her mouth to choke back on-coming sobs, as she uses the other hand to wipe away tears she hadn't even known were falling in the first place.

"Just what?" She squeaks out, shifting positions in her bed so she was now sitting up.

"I...I have loved you, ever since we first met as cliche as it may be. I loved you when I was dating Dylan, and when I _wasn't_. I loved you even when you hated me. I loved you when you dated Dylan, and tonight when I saw you unconsious on the ground...Kelly, I thought I lost you for good. I just...keep thinking, what if I hadn't gotten there. What if I hadn't found you..."

She stops, shaking her head as she buries her face in her hands. She can't stop the sobs that escape her mouth, she doesn't even try to. She can hear her best friend suck in a rather sharp breath, hold it for a few seconds, and then let it back out. Sniffling, Brenda tries her best to compose herself and continues on.

"I don't want you to hate me. I just thought that it was best to tell you. I know it probably sounds so messed up that I'm telling you this, and especially _now_ of all times, but the fact that you could've...that I couldn't have had a chance any other time...scared the _hell_ out of me, and I wasn't going to let you go without letting you know the truth in all of this."

"Can I get a word in?" The blond pipes up. Sighing, Brenda nods sadly as she wipes furiously at her eyes. Angry with herself that she'd broken down, she desperately tries to calm herself, not wanting to act like anymore of a pansy then she already had been.

"Bren. I...don't want you to feel guilty about the 'what if's.' You _did_ find me, and I'm so damn grateful, I honestly can't find words to tell you. And I _don't_ hate you." She adds, grinning at the raven haired teen.

"But you don't love me either," She mumbled sadly. Kelly sighed, shaking her head.

"I never said that." She snapped, her voice stern. "I don't...I don't know _what_ I feel right now- mainly because of the amount of sedatives I'm on, and the fact that I'm half unconsious as we speak." She pauses, a small chuckle eliciting from both of their throats. "But," She continues. "I would like to find out. After all," She snaps, her voice turning from stern to sly. "You never did give me my birthday present."

It took a few moments for it to register in Brenda's head what she meant, and she chuckled sheepishly as she made her way toward her best friend. Placing her hands gently on her face, Brenda pressed her lips toward Kelly's in a soft, but fully passionate kiss that left both of them tingling and hot.

When she pulled away, she waited anxiously for the blond to speak. She never did. All she did, was smile and the raven haired teen automatically knew her answer. "So...how are you feeling now?" She asks.

"I'm feeling, like 18 is going to be a _great_ year. And now that I get to share it with you, it'll be even better." She continued, laughing. Brenda grinned widely, her own laughter chiming in quickly as it soon filled the room.

Tonight, after a long wait, they _both_ got what they wanted. Each other.


End file.
